I don't have many friends since i was young because i am a very shy type person. And i tend to get used to it as time passes. My house garden, my pets and tv are all my close friends as that time we still don have internet installed yet. After i completed my form 5, i told myself i MUST change my shy attitute or else i wont be able to survive in the uni or working environment.
So, i went for form 6 and i changed my shyness and i think i somehow managed to do it. Meeting new friends and joining the activities made me grow to be a friendlier person. I till now still cant believe i managed to stand in front of so many ppl and host games! And it's not only once. Seriously i feel like so "bahagia" in my upper6 and lower6! Although i don't know how they think of me or feel about me, i still move on and get along with them.
When i 1st came to uni, the shyness came visiting me but i think i managed to overcome it and meet some awesome friends. Life goes on. Sometimes i just hurt people without knowing it. I am sure some of you guys (form 6 friends) might get hurt without me knowing that and i am here to apologize. I really tried my very best to be a good friend to others but i guess my 1st 17 years personalities/attitute overcome my 2 years of form 6 new attitute/personalities.
Sometimes i just don know how to be an ideal friend. i don really know the exact things a friend should or shouldn do. I never really socialize since i was young (never really had a close friends or friends around me) until i was in form 6. That's why as i said earlier, i felt so "bahagia" during my form 6 time. And i know seldom socialize and don have the right socializing skills cant be made as an excuse.
Until recently i think i hurt someone feeling without knowing it. Sometimes ppl think i am stupid because i am too kind to ppl and they take advantage over me. This 1 i need to "thank" my mum for giving me her traits. Sigh. I don mind if ppl used me or what because i really don wan to lose any of my friends. I never really had friends before and i know friends are so valuable that i must treasure. 1 also i cannot lose it as it's hard to find for a person with shy personality. I do and follow whatever they wanted me to do just to pleased them so that i can be part of them. It hurts me when i am being ignored so i will just be nice and do whatever they like even if it's to act like a stupid person knowing nothing.
Just like what my Statics lecturer, Ms Theresa said, if a person don like who you are no matter physically or mentally...then u should just dumped that friend away. It's not worth it. But i just cant do it!
Sometimes people just stopped talking to you and you wonder why, what and how it happened. People hate or angry at me when i don even know what mistakes i had done. I really wish my mistakes can be told to me as i can correct me. This time i hurt a person feeling and i think i know why. And i think this is not the 1st time...The 1st time it's not to him but to my other friends and the friend i hurt now don like it. So i guess this time i did the same mistake he corrected me last time. THIS time to him. I really sometimes feel so useless to keep hurting ppl around me. It's not fun to hurt the 1 u cares about.
From today onward, i told myself to just stick to ME, MYSELF and I. I will continue to be silent like what i once used to be and talk when ppl talk to me. Answer what they asked me and that's it. FULLSTOP. I wont continue talking unless i think what i wanna continue is important and relevant to the conversation. Tired of keep talking and end up hurting others as well as to me myself. I realised if you keep talking, you might just blurted out certain things that might hurt others.
How i wish i can be like Kris Allen. He can be himself and still he can become famous and be a great singer/songwriter.
You will find me as a new person when you meet me the next time. I hope the new ME will be a better person.
P.s: The 1st post after 2 years of not posting. I will be back with lots of new stuffs to share! Keep tuned it =) Have a nice day!
