Twisted

It's sad when the people that you care the most, those who you put your trust on them and all they do is just plain ignoring it. I know I have lots of weaknesses and I do lots of stupid things. But hey...no one is perfect in this world. It's the effort you put in becoming the man you wanted to be that counts! I am constantly trying my best to impress people around me who I care, but I am just a human (sensitive and weak human) and stupidity is one of the many characteristics a man can have. 


Most people judge so quick by what they see and it never occurs to them that the things they see are not what it seems to be! How I wish they can make the judgement after they found out the truth!

I am really tired trying to impress the people around me just so that I can be treated good and be likable. I thought I can stay strong and continue doing it, but I guess there's limit to what a heart can take. Not trying to brag around but I think my biggest weakness is my kindness. I often try so hard to treat people good no matter what it takes because I still believe in friendship-relationship-or whatever you call it. I have so much faith in it that it blurs me. Sometimes I really cannot believe how a person can take someone for granted and still, feels nothing wrong by doing so. I once told myself it's OK to let people take me for granted as long as I get their attention. Now to think back of it, I feel like an idiot! If a person truly cares for you, he/she will do something for it. I don't have to do anything to impress or to get their attention. I don't know and don't care what people think of the value of a relationship is, but for me, I will always value and treasure the relationships that I have.

The world indeed a cruel place with lots of different people with different minds, thinking and intentions. 

A friend once told me: You treat people around you nice and good and when they don't do the same, you "merajuk". You expect them to treat you back the way you treated them. This is the part of me that I am trying so hard to change! I know there's a saying "Give more, expect less", but it's really hard to do so. My friends are all that I have besides my family. So, I tend to put so much hope/expectation on them and I give them all the love I have. I understand that most of them have partners and therefore they have responsibilities and I should expect less in return from them, but sometimes I just wish all my efforts can be seen and appreciated. And I am truly sorry if those expectations made anyone feels miserable. 

Maybe the way I express my feelings or my "love" is weird and inappropriate, but that's just part of who I am. I just hope the people around me feel it and understands me better. 

I really want to hold on to what I have now, but seriously I am worried I am not that strong anymore to take all that. Things can get so twisted that I don't even know what's real and what's fake anymore. 

There are certain parts of me that I know I must work hard to change but there's also certain part of me that will always remain a part of me!